Rules for Parisians

I LOVE Paris.  The people are kind, but they also mind their own business; they are a perfect mix.  After a few weeks here, I have identified 15 rules for living as a Parisian:

1. In the winter, you must wear chic black boots and a black coat.
2. If you are sporty and opt for a puffy black coat, the hood must be lined with fur or faux fur.
3. You must smoke.
4. You must dispose of used cigarettes on the sidewalk.
5. When it is time to eat, you no longer have a schedule.  If you dine in a restaurant, you own your table for the rest of the evening, even if you arrive at noon.
6. Personal space should be kept to a minimum.
7. No matter the season, you must wear a scarf.  There is absolutely no reason for said scarf to match any other clothing on your body.
8. You must never drink more than 16 oz of water per day.  Most liquids consumed are in the form of espresso.  Espresso is to be comsumed in tiny cups and at frequent intervals throughout the day, so that you do not work for more than an hour or two at a time.
9. Do not mess with the beautiful cream-colored Parisian architecture.  There are plenty of oppportunities to express your individuality or creativity, but changing historic buildings is certainly not one of them.
10. Mind your own business.  It is rude to concern yourself with the choices of others.
11. Walk everywhere.  Taxis are for tourists.
12. Motorcyclists do not need to obey traffic rules.  They make their own lanes wherever they choose.
13. Turn signals are placed on French cars by mistake.  Just turn wherever and whenever you would like.
14. Treat yourself.  Eat whatever you want; you only live once.  If a Boulangerie is calling your name, get yourself a pastry.
15. It's not art if there are no naked people in it.